Exquisite Tweets from @ftrain, @thelancearthur
Collected by blech
ftrain
thelancearthurTHE Lance Arthur
@thelancearthur Open mailbox.
Paul Ford
@ftrain Inside the mailbox you find a flashlight, a small fish, and an overdue subscription to Vanity Fair.
THE Lance Arthur
@thelancearthur read fish
Paul Ford
@ftrain The fish is slippery. Gloves might help. As you drop the fish, a pair of Prada loafers drops from its mouth. You can hear whistling.
THE Lance Arthur
@thelancearthur
put on loafers
north
Paul Ford
@ftrain The loafers are tight, but look awesome. A heavy door leads inside a large glass building. Tina Brown is here, eating her own young.
THE Lance Arthur
@thelancearthur Ask Tina about the space station.
Paul Ford
@ftrain Tina spits on you for deigning to try to speak at her. The spittle helps the loafers fit better. Gore Vidal's soul is on the ground.
THE Lance Arthur
@thelancearthur get soul. exit. get in cab. tell cabby about gore vidal's soul.
Paul Ford
@ftrain You have obtained "The Shroud of Elitism," its darkness cools you substantially in the oppressive heat. There is a lost iPhone here.
THE Lance Arthur
@thelancearthur get tom friedman's iphone. tell cabbie manhattan is over.
Paul Ford
@ftrain You have obtained "The Pulitzer Mustache of Mixed Metaphors." The cab continues north. There is a bridge here. A path leads East.
THE Lance Arthur
@thelancearthur give pulitzer to novelist. tell cabbie take bridge. tell cabbie take bridge. tell cabbie take bridge. sigh. take path.
Paul Ford
@ftrain The path continues East in a twisting, dreamlike fashion, like a Haruki Murakami novel. There is a troll here. He has a Big Gulp.
THE Lance Arthur
@thelancearthur ask troll for meme
Paul Ford
@ftrain You swap "Spat-upon Prada loafers" for "Awkward Homoerotic Observations Concerning Every Male Olympic Athlete." Path goes E, W, S.
THE Lance Arthur
@thelancearthur ask passerby about song "king of wishful thinking". go west.
Paul Ford
@ftrain You enter a series of tunnels, none of which go to LaGuardia. There's a broken MetroCard machine making a noise like Drake weeping.
THE Lance Arthur
@thelancearthur wait
Paul Ford
@ftrain An empty subway train arrives. A lit sign above you reads "BOB DYLAN SAID THIS I PROMISE" The mayor is here, extracting breast milk.
THE Lance Arthur
@thelancearthur say "too soon." ask bloomberg about businessweek strategy. duck. go train. get seat. give seat to pregnant woman.
Paul Ford
@ftrain You have Soiled Seat, Duck. You swap Soiled Seat for Pregnant Woman. Gloves would help. There is an "Occupy Duck" here. Train goes E
THE Lance Arthur
@thelancearthur drop pregnant woman. put occupy duck in elitism shroud. hide erection. east.
Paul Ford